Filing a report around here is the sheriff tells you to go online and file the report. Then it goes into the abyss of "filed reports". Too bad the pole wasn't hook up to a circuit and they'd be filing a different report.
It's time to get a new life, wife or whatever if the law is showing up to your humble abode. I wouldn't hang out for any of that noise. It's broken when the law shows up.
What I offer up is a 3" magnet on an old shoestring hovering about 1/2' off the floor. Good luck. Your floor will have hiding places that haven't been invented yet.