You don’t want to use handloads for self defense. Pretty much any attorney will confirm that; it can possibly open up a large can of worms if you (very unlikely) use them for self defense and (even more unlikely) have to go to trial for it.
Why roll the dice?
So, I’d just go for a plated or coated 115 or 124gr RN.
If you are hell-bent on loading JHP’s for defense, though…you want premium bullets, not just any old JHP. Hornady XTP, Barnes-X, Remington Golden Saber, are likely your best choices; Federal is also now offering their HydraShok bullet as a component, but I have yet to actually see them for sale.
But for plain old blasting? A cheap, lighter-weight coated/plated round nose, as mentioned above.
Oh, and additionally—a JHP that doesn’t first hit something squishy will go through just as many walls as a FMJ.